


Satan's Offer

by Mossyrock



Series: Ineffable Husbands Bingo [3]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: A handsome human looking Satan, And he's devilish alright, But not the big scary Satan, Choose your own Satan, Crowley Was Raphael Before Falling (Good Omens), Devilishly handsome Lucifer, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 02:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20685887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossyrock/pseuds/Mossyrock
Summary: Lucifer pays Crowley and Aziraphale a visit, after all is said and done. He has a proposal.For my Ineffable Husbands bingo prompt - SatanA sort of continuation from my previous bingo fill, God Ships It, but you don't have to read that first.





	Satan's Offer

**Author's Note:**

> This is, as I said in my notes for God Ships it, a sequel of sorts. It makes sense anyway, but I recommend reading that one first.

Crowley and Aziraphale were sitting, hand in hand, in the park on a bleak and blustery winter’s day. They were enjoying their time away from responsibility and threats of extinction. As usual, the park was filled with secret service agents and families feeding the ducks.

It was a perfectly regular, peaceful day. Nothing out of the ordinary to distinguish it at all.

Until a burst of lightning crashed through the park. It was sudden and blinding. Women screamed, children cried and men ran for cover. It sent even the most highly trained agents scurrying for the warmth and safety of the nearest café. 

The ducks all scurried for dry land, quacking indignantly. 

Crowley and Aziraphale didn’t move, except to trade concerned looks. Supernatural lightning never bode well, especially given the Apocalypse that they’d – maybe? – had a hand in preventing.

When they looked back at the place the lightning had struck, they didn’t see any damage. Nothing was on fire, no one was hurt. But there was a man.

The most attractive man that they – or anyone else – had ever seen. He was almost unnaturally tall and devastatingly handsome, but wore an old suit that was either incredibly outdated or entirely hipster. It was perfectly tailored, but it wasn't quite right, in some undefinable way. 

Crowley’s froze, going unnaturally still, like a snake on high alert. Aziraphale tore his eyes from the gorgeous man and looked back at Crowley in alarm, confused as to what was happening. This man was clearly a colleague of Crowley's, but Aziraphale'd never seen him scared of another demon. Crowley had tried very hard for millennia to seem unafraid of everything, cultivating his indifferent persona. He only let his guard down with Aziraphale. And only since the non-Apocalypse. 

The man approached with a confident stride, looking down his perfect nose at the world around him, slight bafflement and disgust on his gorgeous face – as if seeing the world for the first time and finding it wanting. When he reached their bench, he smirked down at Crowley.

“Hello, ‘Crowley’. It’s been far too long,” He drawled mockingly. His voice was deep and rich. Seductive even. Aziraphale would’ve been jealous of this man seeming so familiar with his – Lover? Boyfriend? Soulmate? – but he was too busy being entranced by him.

The feeling of Hell was radiating off him in almost oppressive waves, banishing the cold of the winter chill. It was almost like he was made of infernal fire. But he looked perfectly human. And perfectly perfect.

“Satan,” Crowley hissed through his teeth.

Aziraphale was snapped out of his trance at the name. Panic swept through him. He certainly looked quite different than the last time Aziraphale had seen him; less gigantic and red, for a start. No horns in sight.

He wasn't sure whether to be relieved by that or not. 

“Now, now. You’ve known me longer than that,” He smoothly admonished.

“Lucifer.” Crowley stood and came toe to toe with his boss. Lucifer towered above him, but Crowley wouldn't let his hesitation or fear show. 

“And the infamous angel. Aziraphale, isn’t it?” He asked in the way that suggested it wasn’t really a question. His eyes turned on Aziraphale and gave him a devilish grin. 

Aziraphale had never heard his name sound so melodic before.

“Don’t talk to him,” Crowley growled. He manoeuvred until Aziraphale was partially obscured behind him. The warning couldn't have been clearer.

Aziraphale leaned around Crowley until he could see the devil again. Lucifer’s smirk only grew. Aziraphale resisted the urge to swoon. His smile was intoxicating. The canines were perhaps too sharp, almost serpentine, but even that was attractive.

“Calm yourself, Raphael. No need to get your knickers in a twist.”

He phased through Crowley to sit on the bench. Crowley glared and wedged himself between him and Aziraphale again. His entire right side pressed against Aziraphale. 

The angel snapped out of his trance and smiled, warmed by Crowley’s obviously protective gesture. But he quickly sobered when he realised that Lucifer wouldn’t come up to Earth if he didn’t have something vital to say. He would send minions, if it weren’t of deadly importance. But would he dare kill them here, in plain sight of humans and Heaven?

He was the devil. Did he care about consequences? Aziraphale doubted it. Still, he couldn't help but hope he was wrong. Maybe it was a social call?

Meanwhile, Crowley’s mind was racing so fast that not a single thought actually made any sense. They appeared and disappeared before he could even begin to decipher them. Lucifer hadn’t talked to him in person in at least 3 millennia. His sudden appearance could only mean trouble.

He resisted the urge to grab Aziraphale and run. No matter where they went, if Lucifer wanted to catch them, he would. 

Aziraphale could sense his nerves like a flashing neon sign. 

They all sat in silence for a tense moment. Aziraphale desperately wanted to meet Crowley’s eyes, to send him a comforting, yet panicked look, but Crowley was resolutely staring ahead. He couldn't show weakness. 

“I hear congratulations are in order.” Lucifer broke the stalemate.

“For what?” Aziraphale asked. This time, Crowley did look at him. The look was pointed and said, ‘_Don’t engage with him’_.

Aziraphale shrugged with a sheepish look. It was only polite to answer him. And what good would ignoring him do? He wouldn't just go away if they pretended he didn't exist. 

“I hear you finally got your shit together. Took long enough. I thought you might die of blue balls before you finally made a move, Raphael.”

Crowley’s frown deepened. His anger and fear was growing, but he squashed it down. He was no match for Lucifer and he wouldn’t put his angel in danger if he could avoid it.

“I’m happy for you, I really am.”

Crowley couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not, but he was offended anyway.

“But you’re wondering why I’m here?” He asked them. When they didn’t answer, he sighed.

Aziraphale only had a moment to think how odd that was – a sigh was such a human behaviour – before Lucifer snapped his fingers and whisked them away to a dingy little office. They landed in uncomfortable school chairs opposite Lucifer, who sat behind a cluttered desk in a broken, swivelling desk chair. It squeaked as he moved, even the slightest movement setting it off. 

Aziraphale glanced around, looking at the outdated furniture and cramped space. A leaking pipe was causing significant damage to the ceiling. Crowley seemed unsurprised at their new surroundings, so Aziraphale presumed they were in Lucifer’s office. It was certainly cosy, Aziraphale had to admit. 

But for the ruler of Hell, his office wasn’t what Aziraphale would’ve expected. He knew Crowley’s flair for dramatic furniture and art – with minimalism and statement pieces. He’d assumed that all demons were as showy. Apparently it was just Crowley. That thought made Aziraphale love him just a little more.

He also took a moment to study the Prince of Darkness. Down here in the gloom, Lucifer seemed significantly less attractive, which was a relief. Now Aziraphale could look at him without feeling as uncomfortably torn by being lost in his beautiful eyes.

“Right, well," He clapped his hands and put them on his desk, tightly clasped, "Down to business. That switching bodies trick – I’m incredibly impressed, Aziraphale. Truly sneaky work, especially for an angel.”

Aziraphale went to answer, to tell him about Agnes' prophecy, but Crowley stopped him with a hand on his knee and another warning look. He stopped himself from his anxious rambling. 

“What do you want, Lucifer?” Crowley growled.

“Just to wonder if maybe you’d like to join us again, Crowley. And maybe bring along a friend.” His pointed look at Aziraphale was unnecessary. They both knew what he meant.

“I’m an angel!” Aziraphale's indignation rang through the room.

Lucifer laughed. It was a dark, echoing, unnatural sound, totally devoid of humour.

“So were we.” He gestured between himself and Crowley.

Crowley’s anger was practically radiating off him. His eyes had narrowed and didn’t move from Lucifer's smug face. If he could have punched him, Aziraphale knew he would’ve. But a physical fight wasn’t a good idea and they all knew it. Lucifer was far stronger than him, in body and in miracle.

“No,” Crowley answered. It was crisp and final.

But Lucifer merely shrugged.

“I can offer you more power than you could ever imagine. Every angel and demon ever created are terrified of you both, after the Apocalypse and your 'miraculous' escapes. They speak of the angel-demons. You're legendary here. You could rule alongside me.” His flattering and persuasive words were smooth and rich. They were tempting.

But he was talking to the original tempter and the angel who'd resisted him for 6 thousand years. They weren’t so easily bought.

“We already have everything we need.” Crowley’s hand found Aziraphale’s and Aziraphale couldn’t have stopped the smile from lighting up his face if he’d tried.

“Oh, really?” Lucifer purred, “How about I tell everyone your clever little trick? You think Heaven and Hell take well to being fooled? You think your fellow angels and demons will just let you get away with this?” He grinned as if he had the upper hand, like he had them cornered.

They shared a look.

“You think we care about the other angels and demons?” Crowley scoffed.

“Why should we care when _She_,” Aziraphale emphasized Her pronoun with an exaggerated nod upwards, “Already knows? She guaranteed us protection.”

“From Heaven and Hell,” Crowley added.

Aziraphale tried not to flinch at the lie. He was getting better at deceiving, but it was slow going. He was still an angel, after all. 

Lucifer’s perfect eyebrows raised, but his smirk didn’t move.

“You’re lying.” He was watching them closely, but neither moved an inch.

“She sees everything. You think She doesn’t already know?” Aziraphale employed his snarkiest tone, the one that Crowley knew meant he was in trouble.

“After all, if even you managed to figure it out, you think She couldn't? Are you willing to test that, boss?” Crowley used the term as a slur. He smirked. He’d wanted to tell his boss off for years. Perhaps thousands of them.

Aziraphale waited with baited breath.

“Perhaps I am,” Satan bluffed. 

It was both sad and funny, Crowley thought, how he’d used to fear this creature, even a few moments ago. But now, he could see right through him. All he could see was the pain of Falling and losing Her love. It was a feeling Crowley’d known all too well. Until he’d found Aziraphale.

“Well then, we look forward to seeing you again. But until then, we’ve got a dinner reservation to keep.” Crowley stood and pulled Aziraphale up with him.

“Goodbye,” Aziraphale gave him a jaunty little wave as Crowley miracled them back to Earth – specifically his apartment.

They both took a second to breathe. 

“Do you think he’ll leave us alone?” Aziraphale asked, dropping the unconcerned act he’d learnt from Crowley. He was shaking, but he wasn't the only one. He was shocked they'd both held themselves together as well as they had. 

“I don’t know. I suspect he’ll keep an eye on us. But we always knew that he and they,” He nodded upwards, like Aziraphale had, “Were never going to just let us go free forever. But if what he said is true, if Heaven and Hell fear us, I think we can be assured that we’re safe. For now.”

Aziraphale embraced Crowley, desperately holding him close, trying to protect him and be protected. 

They might have days, decades or millennia before the next war started.

But until then, they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I left Lucifer's looks up to you to fill in. Make him your perfect man. Unless your perfect man is someone in GO (I'm looking at you, David and Michael). In which case, I don't know. Just imagine him really, really hot. Feel free to share who you imagined. I don't have enough celeb crushes *sarcasm*
> 
> Comments and kudos always make my day/week/month.


End file.
